Sunday, March 09, 2008

this is bad and i noe i'm dissatisfied that's why i'm feeling all mucky about this.

but it's bad bcz i'm genuinely losing hope in this relationship. it's not just when we fight (although it does get worse), even on the neutral days i wonder where this is going with all this differences in religion and his friends not fully open about him having a MALAY MUSLIM girlfriend (like it's a fucking offenCE now), about his mum hating me for my race and religion.

i'm losing hope so much so that the sister has more hope in it working out than even me. when she says there's still alot of ways for me to work things out with him, that all this is just a test and things will be good and stable eventually....i'm SURPRISED. i go 'wad? really ah, u actually think that??'

ah fuck lah, go try harder lah boy. pms blowup is one thing but if u give a fuck, then fucking show that u do. cz the worse it gets, the less i'm confident of this mess.





FUCK THIS SHIT.

like the only reason why i'm fucking holding on to everything is cz i still love him. it's so funny how u can lose hope in everything but the love is still burning. fuck la this is such a fucking mess just wake up FUCK YOU I DUNNO WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO TO MAKE YOU WAKE UP.

or like, mebbe it's time I woke up?? i don't fucking know. fuck la fuck la fuck you, you bastard fucker. i can't bear taking things into my own hands bcz i still love you and deep down i want things to work out and it's going nowhere now and if i decide to end it all, i'll regret it and i won't be able to live with my decision so why don't you do something instead you fucker, we're stuck in a rut going neither backwards nor forwards. DO SOMETHING AND MAKE THIS OR BREAK THIS, WHATEVER YOU WANT. JUST FUCKING DO SOMETHING, BASTARD.

Posted by s t a t i c at 6:13 PM