Monday, February 18, 2008

stuck

1. boy is angry at me bcz i did do what he said (haha) and went out with another guy on vday. padan muka.

2. can derive from no. 1 that boy really does genuinely care, after all. and that he does have a feleing of possesiveness over i the girlfriend, after all. despite his many proclamations of 'not caring what i do', which are undeniably founded to be denials. heh.

on the checklist of what makes a proper boyfriend/lover, that point, after 1yr and 9months, is finally and permanently checked. dunno whether to rejoice or to sigh in exasperation, so i shall say 'Alhamdulillah'...my feelings are not wasted. with boy i am still in love, after all.

3. boy is trying to defend me much on 'warbook'. expression of caring? i suppose so, yes.

4. after much ruminations on boy for 1yr and 9months, i have decided to go with the flow. as hilwa has said. bcz i realize that relationships are all in the hands of fate, ie; in the hands of God. therefore, after having intentionally and always making a point to put in effort to better the rltnship, i now leave it up to Him. me shall do wad me feels like doing ie; gut feeling etc.

5. many distractions i is having. partly good. partly leaves me with slight bad feeling, since it might affect welfare of relationship.

6. i am from now on, putting full priority on welfare of MYSELF. not welfare of relationship. i must love myself, after all.

Posted by s t a t i c at 12:45 AM