Wednesday, July 11, 2007

today i was scrolling through my livejournal entries and i realised tt the picture (the one on our last date) i posted up is gone bcz it was linked to friendster n i deleted tt pic from the gallery. sigh. well, no use clinging on to excess baggage anyway.

so on sunday he asked me whether i wanted to go for the 0304 chalet at the end of this month. was away frm the comp at a wedding so i only saw the msg at nite. after deciding on whether to call or jz msg him...i called him on a whim. i know. i blew it. n i literally did towards the end of the conversation bcz it felt so tiring talking over religion with him. it was ok if half of it was related to what we were talking abt...but i was wondering half the time how it was connected. i will not give examples as to what was discussed bcz i think the things tt he said related to religion n life etc was such a given tt it's not worth discussing to start with n also, i am tired of mulling over our exchange.

as my mum said, ppl who start out with not much belief in their lives or don't really practice it are pretty much overwhelmed when they do decide to embrace it. hence the excessive talk over it. whereas for those who've held some sort of belief from the start will find all that is said to be something given n understood...a way of life. i guess it was the wrong timing... me still getting over this whole breakup shit thing n him still settling down upon finding new direction. heh. buT... bcz of my blow up i dunno now whether he still intends to keep in contact with me. it's such a fragile stage n it ain't never a gd thing to blow up at ur friends. no no. so as of now, ashamed as i am to-have-not-handled-the-conversation-better *talks through teeth*, i shall not contact him until he contacts me. which is also to say.. i don't wanna have hopes on this friendship anymore although it is of course many many times better if it still existed.

well, it seems tt i have to de-li-ber-ate-ly n with effort, move on to thee next chapter of my life. push myself, to put it in other words. doesn't seem like it's gonna happen just like tt. yet another growing-up stage yes? yes. all i hope is tt things turn out for the best. n i gotta see to it tt it happens. at least, the things i can control.

Posted by s t a t i c at 12:49 PM